Musings from WorkFirst thing this morning at the hospital was fire extinguisher training. I knew it was going to be interesting when the "teacher" gave us a paper with a quiz on it and only after we'd all completed it did he teach the class and give us the answers. This guy must have slept through high school, 'cause he definitely got it backwards. Anyway, after the reverse quiz, he took us all outside to play with fire...extinguishers--to play with fire extinguishers. I thought after the reverse quiz, we'd put out a fire backwards too, but he started the fire (with kerosene instead of gasoline--fewer carbon offsets, I think) and we had to put it out. Yeah, every morning should start like this. Mike and I had fun with it, although I don't think pinko-hippie fire dude was so amused.
After that, I went out to the new hospital to start installing monitors. Well, I got about halfway through hanging the mounting brackets when the floor people decided to start waxing the tiles in front of the only freight elevator in the building. No problem if you're on foot, but I had a pallet jack full of mounts and now I'm stuck on the second floor. Yeah--hope nobody thieves those empty boxes or the pallet jack tonight.
Way to Collate!So while I was standing around waiting for Smokey the Beatnik, a guy came through the loading dock and I happened to glance at the title on his name badge: Job Coach. I don't even know what to think about this. I mean, is he the guy that stands behind you at the copy machine yelling things like, "You gotta attack that staple! It's not going to pull itself out! You gotta reach in there and grab it! Take it by the horns and rip it right outta there!" Is he auditioning for a bigger coaching job, like maybe if he gets promoted he's the Junior Assistant Women's Ping Pong Coach at the State's Medium Security Prison?
Ending Islamic TerrorismI had a brilliant idea the other day--and this will actually, I believe, work. (Not that any of my other ideas won't work, but this one's golden). In order to put a complete stop to Islamic terrorism, we need to first of all understand why they want to blow themselves up. I'm going to have to go with the virgins, because in every poll of twenty- and thirty-something single men, not one of them will die for geopolitical reasons or because some cave-dweller with half a Reuben in his beard tells him to. Nope--sorry, not buying it.
Now, all we need to do is convince these guys that the seventy-two virgins they will receive in Islamo-paradise will (1) be wearing burqas, and (2) underneath said burqas look like Hillary Clinton. "See here, Ahmed, these women are virgins for a reason. Tell you what, I'll introduce you to Paris Hilton. So you won't blow up anymore buildings? Good." Works like a charm.
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